The rain's coming in

You ever feel like your life is a disaster waiting to happen? Like a typhoon, or a hurricane, just waiting for the perfect time to unleash? Well, it's Katrina over here. The rain is just about to drown this po' old "country" gurl from the Chi'. I believe the patchwork I have been doing will no longer help me. There are holes within holes in my life right now. I fix one and another appear, then another and another...

It seems like all of my life i have been fighting to keep my head above water. Some days I swim really well and it feels good..Others I float and get much need rest...but lately, I have been dogging paddling and treading water and even taking in some water and I am getting weak...or am i tired? don't know but more and more the thought of just going under water becomes appealing.


Its funny because the things I thought i was accomplishing, I really wasn't. Like i thought i had mailed some letters, one of which is supposed to be heading to the MO, and low and behold, what do I find in my personal size life compacter? my letters, many of which were bills and tickets, now they are overdue. how did i not remember that i hadn't mailed them? i have only been to the post office 6 times in the past week. maybe in was all of the unnecessary junk i have to carry around in my purse so that i can pacify MY CHILD within a momet's notice. then i got a notice that they cut my health insurance off without notice and MY CHILD's...now, at this point, i am not worried about me...i can get through, i gots my ways...but him, ain't nobody checking him out in no back alley off the record. and he gots some issues going on that we needed to get addressed before they got worse, but now we can't cuz we ain't got no insurance and no money to pay for the visit. But, trust, I am going to take him and just charge it to my "credit score". So now Ise got to go sit down and try and fight with these ignant welfare people to try and make them understand that MY CHILD needs his medical. keep the food stamps, who needs food if you can't be seen when you not breathing? And i am mad because I did everything I was supposed to do, it ain't my fault my worker gave me the wrong information. Talking about i didn't report my job i worked last decemeber that i worked for 10 days... WDH... not only did i report it, i told my worker before i started. and here it is people who been working four jobs for about 14 years and ain't never report it and yall still ain't stop their stuff..


can you see the steam rolling out of my head. i am wondering how much more before my head explodes? how much more?


"as the tears are rolling down your cheek, you steady hoping things don't all fall this week...it's crazy it seems to never let up...."


i am trying to keep my head up, but my next and shoulders are getting tired of holding it....

so if i am MIA for a minute it's because i'm trying to pump out the seaping waters that are pouring in from all sides. I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTIONS IN THE COMMENT SECTION, THANKS FOR BEING SO EASY.

Bathroom Etiquette, Read it Learn it Practice it!!!

So seeing we are quickly approaching the time where I have to do the unthinkable, I decided to share this with yall cuz it's evident that some of us don't understand the universal code that you need to get the heck out of the bathroom so I can take a crap!!!

Now me, being me, I don't like taking craps in public bathrooms or anywhere that isn't my home, but sometimes I am forced to do so, especially when that Red mongoose is visiting me. No matter what I eat or what I drink, it always happen, when it's that time, I get the craps. Now when I worked at a place that only had a single stall in the restroom, it was no problem. I would simply wait until no one was around go in the bathroom, do my do, come out and put an Out of Order sign on the door. But not at this place I am working at now...There are five stalls and it always seems like when it's time for me to do my do, they want to stay in the bathroom and converse with me while I am in the stall or they pick that time to brush their teeth and comb their hair.

Now if I am in the stall more than five minutes and you do not hear the stream of urine hitting the water, that means I am not about to pee and I need you to hurry up and leave. If you hear me line the toilet seat when I come in, that means I ain't trying to talk to you, I need for you to leave.. If you hear me tinkle and flush and I still haven't exited the stall and I began opening and closing the sanitary thing about a billion times...IT MEANS I NEED FOR YOU TO LEAVE so i can crap in peace.

It's a painful thing when you have to hold in your crap because someone refuses to practice bathroom etiquette so you can crap in peace.

Just thought I would share.


On another note, I will be mia for a couple of days cuz I have a big project to do and I have to shop for a retirement gift and a bridal shower gift.. But so you won't be bored, I decided to take a page outta Nikki's blog and let you ask me any question you want about me.. and this will really be a testament to how much i have changed. Because I am known to be very truthful, but only about things I am ready to be truthful about...not that i lie, i will just circumvent the question. I speak the truth about things when i am ready to speak the truth about things and things i am not ready to discuss, i don't talk about...hope that makes sense...

But anyways, I promise to try my best to not talk in circles but to directly answer your question.

Spoiled...Yeah, that's Me.

Thank the lord, it's Monday!!!! I've been up since 3:45 waiting for 7:30 to get here. Why, cuz that's what time MY CHILD's daycare opened back up. Them heafas have been close almost a week, and enough is enough. MY CHILD was the first one there today and trust, he will be the last one getting picked up today.


So I thought about what some peeps said...about lessons being in everything. So I am figuring that the lesson I am supposed to be learning from MY CHILD is patience. Cuz i don't have any and never have had any. I want everything when I want it and how I want it, no ifs, ands, or buts. I have been the Little Red Hen all of my life, and not by choice.


Growing up the second oldest of four and the oldest gurl, you really have no choice, you either do it yourself or it doesn't get done...at least not right away. So, I have been practically doing for myself since I was seven. At times it gets frustrating cuz I don't know how to 1. ask for help and 2. sit back and let someone else help me. and when I ask you for help, I have a hard time being on your time. If I say I need x,y,z done and I need it done by a, that's what I mean. Don't come on b expecting that I am going to be grateful that you showed up and expecting for me to still need your help.

So when I get it in my mind that I need something or want something or someone, that's it... I am going to go get it or him on my terms...no ifs, ands, or buts...(unless the guy I want is showing his butt, then it can be some butts...) Now peeps will tell you determination and tenacity are great traits to have, but not when you have no patience. Sometimes you need to plant the seed and sit back and wait for it to grow. (yeah, when I was 8 i planted some appleseeds and watermelon seeds in the Old Heafa's yard and after a day got mad when nothing grew and tried planting a whole apple and was stopped when i was feena plant half a "good" watermelon)


So I think I messed up things with this dude I was really feelin named EL because I couldn't just sit still and let nature take its course. I think we had a beautiful foundation but things were just moving too slowly for me. And I hate not being in control...I HATE NOT KNOWING WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN when it comes to MY CHILD and my life. Tell me right up front the pros and cons and the likelihood something is or isn't going to happen. That way I can prepare for the worse and hope for the best. But for some reason, you can't do that in relationships. There's always so many games you have to play even before you get down to who the real person is that you are dealing with, and by that time, I am good and spent. I ain't gots the time to be figuring out if you like me the way I like you. Just tell me, I am feeling this way with you and depending on how things turn out, I would like for us to wind up here... (yes, here meaning a place where I got a Mrs. on the front of my name.) So EL was moving too slow so I pull a card from the Chance box and skip 12 spaces and now we are ???? hell, I don't know where we are cuz EL has disappeared.


And I am only thinking about this cuz there's this dude that I guess is really feeling me right now and he is like borderline stalking me...and I'm like dang, is this how I made EL feel? Cuz if so, I can see why he done gone M.I.A. I told Fif that I really didn't have time for a relationship because I am going through a lot right now and plus I am kinda talking to someone...which is true. I am really feeling EL and I don't want to complicate things by talking to someone else and I also didn't want to hurt Fif's feeling by not telling him cuz I know he really likes me and him finding out later on when I'm like yo' I can't talk to you cuz I'm booed up. The funny thing is everything I am looking for from El, Fif has it except for style... Fif got as much style as Howard Stern. He compliments me and really lets me know he is really feeling me...But he over does it to the point that it sounds like he spitting game and that turns me off...and everywhere I turn he's there. He calls me no less than 10 times a day. He is really nice and sweet and ..... i don't know...he's such a square....and he rushing things to a place that i am not ready to be, at least not with him..... and things could be so much better if he would just be patient and let me sort out what i need to sort out. if he would let me just be and marinate in my thoughts and just enjoy whatever part of me i am willing to give him at the time, whether it's a "hello" or a smile....


So now, I need to figure out how to fix things with EL or need I just let things marinate and see if he comes back...

It's kinda like that Floetry song, FEELINGS.....yeah, exactly like that

What if God was one of us?

So on most days, I hate being a parent. I do, it's the worse job in the world, no benefits, no promotions, nothing but heartache and pain. My Child is a brat, as I have established. and it's wearing on my nerves, especially since I am in a financial bind. It seems like everyday he makes it his goal to break something that I need and that I have no money to replace or repair.

I am so close to having a nervous breakdown, if I am not already having it. I get so angry with him that somedays I want to pick him up and throw him across the room, but instead I tell him to go to his room and not come out until I tell him it's safe. People on the outside looking in, think this is funny or that I am overreacting because he is just a child. And that being said, I know that My Child knows right from wrong, and I know when he does something simply to aggravate the hell outta me.

The other day he kept touching my stuff (yeah, i sound just like a kid myself, but it is what it is) and I kept telling him to stop. He knows that I don't like him touching my stuff. I have a lot of collectibles and just sentimental stuff that I do keep in my room, away from him. But, he likes to go in my room and bother this stuff while i am sleeping. and it makes me beyond mad, so one day i was just saying to him, "you know what, you get on my last nerves with you always touching stuff and doing stuff you know you aren't supposed to...how many times do i have to tell you to stop doing something before you are going to get it in your head that i am not playing with you and that i mean business?"


and then i was like "people make me sick when they say that you get this mess from me cuz i was nothing like you growing up, i was a great kid, very obedient until i was at least 12, so i don't know who you get this foolishness from."


and as i pondered over who he could have gotten his hard headedness from i thought about how God must feel about me... I wonder if He tired of me doing stuff He told me not to do...I wonder if He wonders when I will get it through my head that He means business.

I came, I saw, I ate some nasty White Castle

So, I had to take an extended mental day before I could sit down and put some words on paper that might make a lil bit of sense.


So, I drove up to New Jersey and that's where I stopped. So I didn't get to make it down the road to NYC because the Puerto Ricans had my gurl LahLah scared outta her brains. She just knew someone was gonna shoot or molest MY CHILD. But it was all good because the trip proved to be just with this ole gurl needed to get back on her square.


Some times all you need to get back to that inner peace is for you to chill with some peeps that know you inside and out. You know the kind that know without asking when to give you your space and when to smother the hell outta yah? Well LahLah is not one of the faithful ten but she is pre-rape and I know without a doubt she gots nothing but love for me and MY Child, whom she spoiled to no end. Her family was the best, feeding us all that good cooking. For the most part my trip went smoothly outside of the nasty White Castles, the ghetto to the fifth power Chuck E Cheese we went to, and one of LahLah cousin's almost made me act "unlady."


So I love White Castles and couldn't wait to get to Jersey so I could have one of my fav. lil burgers. I had been talking to LahLah while I was on the turnpike talking about don't you go to sleep and you know I want some Sliders tonight. So when we got to her crib, I dropped my luggage on her floor and was like let's go! We went to White Castle where I ordered my regular, 3 double cheese burgers, no onions. I couldn't wait to rip into those juicy burgers, my mouth had been waiting how many hours for this taste? I picked the burger up and shoved it into my mouth only to have my tongue and throat try to force it back out. WDH?!?! What is this barbecue sauce on here? What is this? Is this catsup? OMG, who in da hell puts catsup on White Castles? Aw hell naw, this ain't right, they gonna make me call up da Chi and have them come out here and do a training. So, my first night in Jersey was ruined. But, I did go back the day and ordered my regular with no onions and no CATSUP and it was almost like the chi' almost.



I have never been to a ghetto CEC's like the one I went to in Jersey. I mean they need to shut this place down and start over.

The ghetto parents, don't know where this new breed of parents are coming from, but they need to pick up a parenting book or a "how to behave at CEC's" book cuz they were off da hook. These parent's not only allowed, but encouraged their kids to walk up the skee balls' lane, so that they could drop the ball into the highest number bucket. WDH?!? When I was growing up, if you didn't have enough wrist power, you just rolled gutter balls or kept rolling that one ball that kept rolling back to you while your older bro/sis rolled the rest of your balls. I mean really, was it really worth it to teach your child to cheat at any age especially seeing this bootlegged CEC only gave out a certain number of tickets regardless of how high or low your score was? Yeah, I was hot cuz i was crushing 40's and whatnots on the basketball game and would only get four tickets, the same as the fool standing next to me with 8 points. WDH!!!!!

Then the fact that we had to wait like some 2 1/2 hours for a cheese pizza. WDH were they doing, milking the cow and turning the milk into cheese themselves? I mean really. and every time we asked for our pizza we were told five minutes..those five minutes turned into 45 more minutes. It's a lot of things I play with, starving children ain't one of them. So I went in the kitchen and had a lil chat with the manager who proclaimed he had not only sent our pizza out eons ago but personally made it. Now, i'm like well we didn't get it so what are you going to do to compensate us cuz this is ridiculous, how you make someone wait over 2 hours for a cheese pizza? so he was like he would give us our money back and "still give us our pizza." It was funny cuz he said it like he was doing us a favor...He didn't know that I was going to get my money back, my pizza and some more stuff. I don't know who he thought he was playing with, making me stop playing my skeeballs to come over and find out why My Child still saying he hungry. So some 20 minutes later, we got our pizza and some buffalo wings on the house. So sorry for the peeps who really had ordered them. Not five minutes after we got our food, a cop comes up to us all aggressive like you need to get out in 15 minutes they closing. My head snapped around so fast that it stopped him in his tracks...he changed his tune and was like I'm just letting you know. WDH? LahLah hurried up and sent him on his way before I was able to unleash on him. (she talking about she knew what she was thinking and she knew that i would probably say what she was thinking and then some.) (and yah know what, she was right cuz i was gonna tell him how i wasn't leaving until i finished my pizza we had waited some 4 hours for..(yeah, i pulled a tyler perry)). Then the games ran outta tickets and the workers was like they didn't have any more tickets in store, they had to order some....yeah, it was a good thing they were about to close cuz it was gonna be a riot up in there.


So LahLah's cousin tried to play my hand, but I killed her with kindness. I peeped right off the back that she wasn't feeling me when we were introduced. Lahlah was like Cherry "this my gurl Truthz from da Chi" and she was like "uh, hi" and kept talking to Lah's sister like i wasn't there... I laughed... I was like you come in and get jealous, is it because you can see my big ol pretty legs in these tight jeans? LoL, it was a good thing she didn't see me the day before when I had on my hotmama skirt that blew up at the park to show my magenta panties. (yeah, Lah, that's for you calling them pink) Or is it because I'm getting the attention you thought you were going to get when you set out to come over. Yeah, I know how it is when you used to riding shotgun and without notice you get put in the backseat for the new cat. She bets to get used to it cuz I'm Bossy!!! (naw, I just tripping, I must of seen that video a billion times over Lah's house, that's all i did, catch up on my videos so we could laugh at MY CHILD dance) So, she really tested me when she moved the napkin with the chicken away from my son who was reaching for some chicken and then gave him this look...I must of prayed a billion times in that second..."Please Jehovah, don't let me snatch a knot in her neck." So instead of snatching a knot, i just placed My Child's chicken on the napkin with the other chicken and told him to eat that. She gave me a look as she tried to remove the rest of the other chicken and held it in her hand for Lah's nephew. It was a good thing I was about to get on the road to go home cuz if I had to put up with her more than a couple of hours I would've had to bop her upside her head. So when I left, I bid everyone goodbye and gave them a hug and when it was her turn, you could see the look in her eyes, was i gonna play her face by leaving her out and not say bye or hug her? Nope, not today, I was gonna try out the new me, so I said bye and gave her a big ole hug, and she was left speechless....


thats right, kill them with kindness, and if that don't work, it's always rat poison.

Don't take it personally.

Well, I talked to whozatgurl#1 and it was good to hear her voice, we sorta one and the same but different, you know? We've gone through a few similar things that have bonded us together....
For instance, we are both coping with trying to establish the women we are today, realizing that the women we once were, are long gone. and that's a hard thing to come to grips with, to know that the person you were so comfortable being, and knew oh, so well is simply gone, never to return.

It's weird cuz we trying to make sense outta different things even though our experience was the same. I'm trying to figure out why I take things so personally and she's trying to figure out why she so nonchalant.

Well, actually, I know why I take things so personally, I'm trying to figure out how I can get back to a place where I let everything roll off my back without even a tad bit of it affecting me. Don't get me wrong, I put on a good show like it ain't bothering me, but it is. I take things home and I ponder them and ponder them until it makes me sick, and it can be the littlest thing.


Like last week, I ran into a classmate who was talking about going up to NYC and when I mentioned that I would be going up there also after the fifth, she automatically assumed that I was going to see my classmate (the one that helps me out with MY CHILD) and this bothered me so I told her "no, I'm going to see my homie from undergrad, now I might take MY CHILD to see him, but that's not what I'm going up there."

she responded with, " You always using that boy! uhn-uh."


her words pierced through me like a machete's blade. the way she said it made me believe that this wasn't the first time she had uttered the words that she thought i was using my classmate...in fact, she probably even expressed her feelings to him...this angered me, why did people always have to insinuate stuff about people who were just barely staying a float? I mean dang, why was everyone so concerned about how much time my classmate spent with MY CHILD? I have never used anyone in my life and hope never to do so, yet, i have been used many of times, and not just by Luv. Some of my family and friends have used me, and I would never intentionally do that to someone because I know how awful that feels to know that someone's just taking from you cuz they know you wouldn't see them out on the streets or because you wouldn't see them hungry or because you don't like to see them sad, but when the tables were flipped, they could care less if I had a cracker and some cheese for me and MY CHILD to eat.

Now, this would have been a great opportunity for me to just let the crap roll off my back because I knew I wasn't using my classmate and that's all that should have mattered...but no, it ate at me and ate at me until I had to send my classmate an email asking him if he thought I was using him, explaining that wasn't my atttention, needless to say, he didnt' respond, which made me wonder if his silence met yes.... you see how sickening this trend can be?

Once upon a time, none of this would have phased me. I would've laughed in her face, told her I was going to get all that I could get while the getting was good and then dismissed her. BUT, ever since the rape, I second guess, analyze and reanalyze everything. I am not sure about nothing, and lord knows I don't won't to make another bad mistake that proves to be detrimental to my health.

BUT i hate it!!!!! I hate letting stupid stuff bother me. Like my letting people shutting doors in my face when I speak bother me! I hate it!!!! but i don't know how to fix it.

and my gurl, she doesn't know how to reconnect to people so that things that should bother or affect her do...

Is there no middle ground, and if so, how do we get there?


(okay i will be missing for a couple of days, I have been given 2 brand new assignments due friday, one by open of bizness and the other by the close, so that means a sistah might have to actually bust a sweat...first time for everything...and then i leave for NYC friday evening...so I will catch up with your lives sunday night....Be EAZY, it's a jungle out there.)

So I decided to double post

Hidden talents that probably should stay hidden. (the real title)

So yesterday at work, which is where I am now, got here early just so I could blog, aren't you all fortunate....okay back to the story,


So, yesterday at work, GHM bought a purse from the corner stand, one that he was charging 75 bones for, she got it for 15, and we soon found out why. The purse was one of those gold metallic purses that came with one of those key locks, like the one you put on your gym locker. The thing is, there was no key. So the IT/handy man spent 15 minutes trying to pick the lock and couldn't, and I without thinking picked up the lock and popped in under 2 minutes.


Now the IT dude is secretly fuming, how in da hell did I pop something that he couldn't when he gets paid to pop locks? He takes the locks and after 20 minutes he locks it back, then he takes the lock only to return it 3 hours later still unable to open it. I laughed, once again Truthz has stumped someone with her Natural talent.

I didn't go to school or take no class on popping locks, popping locks to me is like breathing, it comes naturally. I mean how else are you going to get bootlegged cable if you can't pop the lock to where the cable box is held and then pop the lock on the cable box? I mean duh. Or how else are you going to break into your aunt's door while she is gone to get the only telephone in the house so that you can talk to your gurls about the new dude you like? I mean duh. I mean how else are you going to get into your friend's car, where she has left the car keys, so you all can get home before her parents find out that she has taken their car without permission and that you all are out after curfew? I mean double duh. I mean if you don't know how to pop a lock and pop it fast, you are not going to be able to do any of those things without getting caught...DUH!!!


So now people looking at me wondering what other talents I have that may come in handy when they in a crunch, and you know what, I ain't telling them. Some talents are better off kept hidden.

What a difference a day Makes

So, I don't know if this is gonna be a long post or if I'm just going to double post. I know I have been m.i.a., but that hasn't been my fault, the other day when I came home, I raced to my computer cuz I had a lot I wanted to get off my chest, and to my dismay, my computer wouldn't connect, kept saying there was no dial tone. So after taping the modem cord into the wall with about a billion pieces of tape, it dawned on me to check and see if my phone was on, and low and behold, they had cut me off, again. Yeah, I know, I said I was going to be paying my bills on time, and I was BUT, there's only so many bills you can pay with a negative bank balance. But, I was able to use the money my aunt just sent me to pay my phone bill, cuz if I can't blog, that means I would have to start talking to strangers on the bus, and we surely don't want that.



SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo~


On Monday I was going to tell you how I need to figure out how to add more hours to my day or clone myself, cuz I am running myself raggedy and I am becoming forgetful. And seeing that I am too, too young to be suffering from senility, it must be that I am doing too much and need to slow down. Let's see, I wake up, cleanse my body, brush my teeth, get dressed, get MY CHILD up, fight with him, wash him up, fight with him about what clothes he is going to wear, dress him, make his lunch, pack his lunch, have MY CHILD locate my keys while I locate my glasses, I open the window for the plants, we leave the house, I drive him to daycare, fight with him about which toy he can take outta the car to take to school, I drive myself to my parking location, I board the bus, I go to my intern job, I IM all day unless I am swamped with impossible assignments, I get off work, I walk to bus stop, I board bus, I pick up car, I go to daycare, get MY CHILD, make sure he has the toy he took with him that morning along with his lunch bag, i load him and his belongings in the car after he says bye to all 20 children still left at daycare, I go home, unload all of our stuff, carry him and all of our stuff up five flights of stairs, I turn on That's so Raven, start dinner, decide what I am going to cook the next day for dinner so that I can take it out of the freezer, I finish dinner, I fix My CHILD's plate, fight with him about why he cannot stand up and eat, when he is finish with dinner, I give him a bath, I put him to bed after we say our prayers, I eat, I then clean up MY CHILD's room and the bathroom, and wash dishes, then I start on the pile of mail and papers that seems like it is never gonna disappear, somewhere inbetween all of that, I fall asleep, when I wake up to go to the bathroom, I change into my pj's and go back to sleep, then when I wake up, it's time to do it all over again......


sooooooooooooooooooooo, I guess I could cut out the bathing and brushing my teeth, that could give me about 30 minutes to do something else.


Oh yeah, i forgot, so today (Monday) we were running late cuz I over slept and I dropped him off at daycare and parked my car to get on the bus only to realize that today was his field trip and not only was he looking like who shot john but I was supposed to have dropped him off at the train station, his class was riding the train to the aquarium. So I had to hop back into my car, race and collect him and his belongings from the daycare, race through traffic trying to get to the train station before 8:05, that's when his train departed. It was only 7:49 and I only had a 25 min ride...So I'm zipping and zooming and get there at 8:01, double park, jump out, grabbed the child, race into Union Station, run to the train platform, no kids in sight, ask someone, they tell me the kids got on a specific train, I run carrying My fifty pound child, his lunch and my purse, down the platform like a mad woman, only to discover not a child is on the train, run back to the guy and tell him, so he was like just stand here they bound to come by, so I run back inside, all the while fussing at My CHild for not reminding today was trip day (LOL) and for not wanting to walk and how he was going to just be the only kid at daycare if I didn't find his class, when I found them, then I had to drive back from downtown to park my car only to take a bus back downtown to work.... YEAH ME!!!! at least I didn't get a ticket or get my car towed

To have been a fly on the wall

So Luv called my house the other day and told me that he thought it was best that he didn't come see MY CHILD any more. Especially, not at my house. I laughed, cuz it wasn't like he came to see MY CHILD anyways. MY CHILD's bedtime is 8 p.m. anyone can tell you that....LUV would roll through at 11pm and later. who da hell was he thinking he was foolin, i don't know. But trust, he always left sadded and blue.


So I feigned the concerned citizen and parent and asked why, why was he not coming to see MY CHILD now? and his answer was because I hurt his feelings the last time he was over when I told him that he couldn't take MY CHILD to get his hair cut because I already had other people taking care of that. Yup, I sure did...and yup it sure is true, someone else is taking him to get his hair cut.


So let me tell you what is really going on. Luv met my classmate at the hospital the last time when MY CHILD had the surgery. My classmate had come up to relieve me so that I could go home and change my clothes that had been peed on over 10 times and puked on at least three. So you know I was smelling wonderful. So I left my classmate in charge while I went home to shower and change and while I was out, Luv decided he was going to come up and play the concerned Papa.

Not sure how things went down but I did get multiple versions of what happened. I got a version from the Gurls, which was based on what their dad had said to them as soon as he left the hospital. I got my classmate's version and I got Luv's version. And it all boils down to, Luv go in his feelings cuz he saw first hand that I wasn't tripping off him. He saw that even though he wasn't doing for MY CHILD, that it really didn't matter cuz someone else was picking up his slack. Then too, Luv knows I would NEVER leave him in charge of MY CHILD while he was in the hospital...Hell, I wouldn't even leave him in the hospital alone with MY CHILD...and to find some other AFRICAN kissing and loving what you donated your sperm to create, has a way of hitting you in the gut. Then to have the hospital staff come in and address my classmate as MY CHILD's father, that couldn't have helped. But, my classmate, being the stellar fellow that he is, he politely told them that he wasn't the father that Luv was. Now, the thing is, Luv never acknowledged that he was the sperm donor...matter of fact he only acknowledged 1 of his 6 kids.


So soon as MY CHILD was released from the hospital Luv comes over talking about he wants to get My CHILD's hair cut ....and I'm like yeah, peeps in hell want ice water, but I don't imagine they will be gettin any. See, if Luv had been asking cuz he wanted to sincerely do it, I might have considered. But I do not have time to be playing games with MY CHILD's head cuz Luv took one to the balls.

I wish I couldn've been a fly on the wall to watch Luv's heart sink when he walked in that room to find My Child laying on my classmate's chest.....

90 Day Rule, How bout It

So I know KZ (lol, didn't link yah) probably will be like WDH but I think that this is a valid point that I am going to make.

On another site, I posted a rant about how I am looking for something more meaningful out of life and out of my romantic relationships. I am looking for someone to share my ups and downs with, and not just the up and downs of me pulling on and taking off my drawls. I am tired of dudes just thinking that if they buy me an expensive gift, they entitled to the bootay. Or if we have talked for a week, then it's good to go to ask for it cuz it won't be a one night stand.


So I normally tell a bruh that I really ain't feeling either cuz they got hygiene issues, smoke cigarettes, drink excessively, looks worse than a monkey's uncle butt, ain't gots no money or means to get any money that I am celibant. Why, cuz it normally send them on their marry way without me having to go through the unnecessary drama of getting to know them before they make they play for bootay. And believe me, telling a person you are celibate really sheds light to what they really after. It normally goes something like this:


Uhm, gurl you sexy. You know you sexy don't you, with those big ole lips.


Who me? Naw, I don't even be tripping like that.

Gurl, and you chocolate too...uhm...you so sexy... I can't wait to get to know you.

Really, that's cool. I like meeting new peeps that I can kick it with.


Gurl, so where your man, I know you got a man with your fine, sexy, chocolate self...I know he wouldn't leave someone else to be hittin that.


Naw, I don't have a man.


Why don't you have a man, you ain't got a gurl do yah...cuz I can get down with that too, you so sexy.


Naw, I don't get down like that. I'm just enjoying getting to know myself again.


So what you do to relieve your stress...You got friends for that?


Naw, I'm celibate.


Celibant...For real, how long you been that way?


For a minute.


For a long minute? Cuz if it ain't been that long, you know you can start over after me.


Naw, it's been a long minute... since after MY CHILD...so I'm good. I ain't doing it again until I'm really ready.


You think I could get you ready?


I doubt it..


Oh, okay den, I'll be calling your sexy self...uhm uhm


And I never see or hear from them again. So I was telling my coz that this dude sent me this text talking about "my hormones been in over drive, all I need is a lil bit" and how I told him the last time I checked, "a lil bit was a flick and a hand." and when I asked since I wasn't giving it up was I gonna hear from him again and he was like Nah... So I'm asking her what's wrong with dudes. I just met you, don't know your age, where you live, if you are an ax murderer, what type of diseases you may be carrying, nothing, not to mention i met you a week ago, and you think you supposed to get the drawls?


So she was like Steve Harvey was like there should be a 90 day probation rule...you need to be kicking it with me for 90 days before you get any...Said that you don't get benefits on a job until after 90 days so why should you be able to get the bootay (benefits) before 90 days in a relationship... For all I know you can be one of those work one day and quit it the next day kinda mugs.


So if I decide to end my celibacy...so I can see if KZ was right about why I have been so irritable lately, I will be implementing a 90 day waiting period.

He Is His Mother's Child

So My Child and I have this love get on my nerves relationship. And at first I didn't understand why he did so many things that irked the hell outta me...things that makes me want to bust his head to the white meat (if I can use Bernie Mac and Hitler's words). And the other day it hit me, like Eureka.



I was standing on my neighbor's balcony, looking at how selfish and inconsiderate peeps were when it came to parking on our already parking spot challenged block, when I heard all of this ruckus. Noise which sounds like people were about to get to scraping( but this is just how they talk to each other on my block). I noticed one of the men keeping up the noise was someone who always be talking smack to me when he sees me out and about, so I decided to return the favor and shouted above his head: who out here making all that noise, disturbing the peace?



then MY english challenged Child says with great diction and pronunciation: Them niggahs over there?

What did you say?

I said them niggahs ova there making all that noise.



Now I about hit the ground dying laughing on the inside, cuz that truly would have been the correct answer had he be a grown folk privy to my conversation. Sweetie, don't use that word, you need to be grown and understand what that word mean to use it...You need to pay some bills to understand who one of those are, okay?


Okay.



And that's when it hit me..this boy is really my child from his whining and acting like a brat to his stubborness and talking back...from his asking why and telling me i can do it myself, let me do it, from his being a punk and not wanting to fight to his feelings being easily hurt, from all his weird allergies and determination to master everything...he is not only my child but a mini replica of me. Which means, one day he will get tired of crying cause someone has hurt his feelings and he will make someone pay for all that he has been through. That he will not really fight for himself but will beat the hell outta someone messing with someone he loves. That he will have a confidence and drive unsurmountable until someone comes and breaks his heart and makes him doubt himself. Which means that he gonna probably pee in the bed until he twelve (oh lord, i hope not) and he will have to move out at the age of 16. Can't have two grown mes living under one roof. I can barely take one and 1/16 of me living under the same roof now, just wait until he full grown... But most importantly, this means he will grow up and speak what may not always want to be heard but needs to be said.