Purging of my soul

I wish I had taken the time to get to now you so that I could've really been your friend. Most of the time I felt like I was on the outside looking in.
I thought you labeled me becasue you wanted to save face.
I thought you were decided to waste time until she came back to take her place.
I thought it was just a game for you which is why many did not know my name.
So, in turn, I kept my feelings hidden
and quietly patched my bleeding heart.

It seemed as if I wasn't important
because you always had your mumber one fan.
It seemed everyone wanted your time and I could never win
So I picked fights to help you choose to vacate from my life

Truth is.....
I felt safer than I had felt in a long time
And I felt beautiful and I felt like I could do no wrong in bed
And I am mad I let it slip away
Mad you could not stay

I wanted you to confide in me and let me share
in the pains, joys, and happiness
I wanted you to tell me that I wasn't the rebound
or the place holder chick
I wanted to know that if you were knee deep
that you would not abandon me until you were through
I wanted to know, I had you

I have since mused, the problem lies within

I was always doubting, counting and speculating
I was so busy watching
that I wasn't participating
I let others get in my head
and well shortly after, the worldwind love affair was dead

I won't lie and say you were the perfect guy
you hurt me
you turned your back on me when I needed a friend
but, I had not been that good of a friend myself

Truth is...
I want you to be in my life until it ends
So, I was wondering if we could start over as friends