some realities

i wonder why it is so hard to accept the truth?
to accept that you gave it your all and well, your all simply was not good enough.
i wonder why it is so hard to just come right out and say, "yeah, i played you" and keep it moving
i mean at the end of the day it is what it is

it has taken me some time to come to terms with some things and it has been very very frustrating...and no, i ain't better for going through it... it darn near broke my spirit... it nearly cost me my sanity... it made me want to lose my life... it shook my foundation
but i am here..i'se a still climbing and a still moving forward


sometimes i reflect on my life and laugh...and other times i cry..i guess it depends on if it's a half full or half empty kinda day.

for as long as i can remember, i have been searching for that 'aha' to make my motherless fatherless childhood, heck life make sense for other people and a week or so ago i got it and i am going to leave you with it

'when a parent suffers from mental illness, it's very unlikely that their children will develop proper emotional connects with people or be able to carry on successful relationships that requires them to be emotionally attached because the person (people) who were supposed to teach them nurture, emotion, affection, etc...was not able to effectively do so.'