The freedom of acceptance

boy am i cheesing today... i am free yall. i am so free. free of blame and guilt.. free of childhood ghosts...just free


i have learned the power of accepting. i mean i know the serenity prayer but i mean who really understands how freeing it can be to really just let it go...the fear, the anxiety, the hate, and the hurt..

i mean for some reason i had been holding on to all of this crap like it was a badge of courage. but it was more like a weight and today i feel lighter than the 156 pounds i am actually toting... boy am i sexy.. believe that.

so i have been working on me for some time now but there were still some things i had been sidestepping...well today i took one giganormous (oh yes i did) leap forward, and sadly backslide a little. but i am here to speak on my accomplishments


today i had a convo with Luv and well afterwards i felt so much lighter. i was able to look him in the eye and tell him how felt, how i had been feeling. how ashamed i was of some of my actions and how hurt i had been., how rejected i felt when i read his post .....and how okay i am now. yeah how okay i am with knowing that he doesn''st love me the way that i love him and that's okay because there is nothing wrong with me cuz like i said, i'm sexy.

i was able to tell him that it was hard for me to ACCEPT that he was the one for me but i wasn't the one for him, BUT that I have and that i did and that i was okay with it. ( i was able to tell him this, looked him straight in the face...didn't drop my eyes and didn't let my voice quake...i didn't get nervous and laugh it off like i was joking... i just spoke from the heart and said what i needed to say) yeah LuV got a lil uncomfortable becuz he's like me, doesn't like dealing with feelings..

feelings are scary but guess what, we all have them.

so i have accepted that i don't deal with feelings or express them like most but that's something i am working on but may never change. i have accepted that it's is no fault of my own that i have a disconnect when it comes to emotional ties.

i have accepted that the bond or pull between us is stronger than me and that only God can help me resist AND i am okay with knowing that i was wide open and chickenheadish because luv makes things happen

i have accepted that Dirty probably will never man up and take care of my child and that i may never find anyone to love me the way that i loved Luv but that i am going to be okay and that My Child is going to be okay.

i have accepted ME!!!!! and it sure feels good to be free... watchoutdernow