Spoiled...Yeah, that's Me.

Thank the lord, it's Monday!!!! I've been up since 3:45 waiting for 7:30 to get here. Why, cuz that's what time MY CHILD's daycare opened back up. Them heafas have been close almost a week, and enough is enough. MY CHILD was the first one there today and trust, he will be the last one getting picked up today.


So I thought about what some peeps said...about lessons being in everything. So I am figuring that the lesson I am supposed to be learning from MY CHILD is patience. Cuz i don't have any and never have had any. I want everything when I want it and how I want it, no ifs, ands, or buts. I have been the Little Red Hen all of my life, and not by choice.


Growing up the second oldest of four and the oldest gurl, you really have no choice, you either do it yourself or it doesn't get done...at least not right away. So, I have been practically doing for myself since I was seven. At times it gets frustrating cuz I don't know how to 1. ask for help and 2. sit back and let someone else help me. and when I ask you for help, I have a hard time being on your time. If I say I need x,y,z done and I need it done by a, that's what I mean. Don't come on b expecting that I am going to be grateful that you showed up and expecting for me to still need your help.

So when I get it in my mind that I need something or want something or someone, that's it... I am going to go get it or him on my terms...no ifs, ands, or buts...(unless the guy I want is showing his butt, then it can be some butts...) Now peeps will tell you determination and tenacity are great traits to have, but not when you have no patience. Sometimes you need to plant the seed and sit back and wait for it to grow. (yeah, when I was 8 i planted some appleseeds and watermelon seeds in the Old Heafa's yard and after a day got mad when nothing grew and tried planting a whole apple and was stopped when i was feena plant half a "good" watermelon)


So I think I messed up things with this dude I was really feelin named EL because I couldn't just sit still and let nature take its course. I think we had a beautiful foundation but things were just moving too slowly for me. And I hate not being in control...I HATE NOT KNOWING WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN when it comes to MY CHILD and my life. Tell me right up front the pros and cons and the likelihood something is or isn't going to happen. That way I can prepare for the worse and hope for the best. But for some reason, you can't do that in relationships. There's always so many games you have to play even before you get down to who the real person is that you are dealing with, and by that time, I am good and spent. I ain't gots the time to be figuring out if you like me the way I like you. Just tell me, I am feeling this way with you and depending on how things turn out, I would like for us to wind up here... (yes, here meaning a place where I got a Mrs. on the front of my name.) So EL was moving too slow so I pull a card from the Chance box and skip 12 spaces and now we are ???? hell, I don't know where we are cuz EL has disappeared.


And I am only thinking about this cuz there's this dude that I guess is really feeling me right now and he is like borderline stalking me...and I'm like dang, is this how I made EL feel? Cuz if so, I can see why he done gone M.I.A. I told Fif that I really didn't have time for a relationship because I am going through a lot right now and plus I am kinda talking to someone...which is true. I am really feeling EL and I don't want to complicate things by talking to someone else and I also didn't want to hurt Fif's feeling by not telling him cuz I know he really likes me and him finding out later on when I'm like yo' I can't talk to you cuz I'm booed up. The funny thing is everything I am looking for from El, Fif has it except for style... Fif got as much style as Howard Stern. He compliments me and really lets me know he is really feeling me...But he over does it to the point that it sounds like he spitting game and that turns me off...and everywhere I turn he's there. He calls me no less than 10 times a day. He is really nice and sweet and ..... i don't know...he's such a square....and he rushing things to a place that i am not ready to be, at least not with him..... and things could be so much better if he would just be patient and let me sort out what i need to sort out. if he would let me just be and marinate in my thoughts and just enjoy whatever part of me i am willing to give him at the time, whether it's a "hello" or a smile....


So now, I need to figure out how to fix things with EL or need I just let things marinate and see if he comes back...

It's kinda like that Floetry song, FEELINGS.....yeah, exactly like that