It is What it Is

So I Went, I Saw and I Came Back In Tears.... my friend is in a very bad situation; but I think the world is in a worse one.


I understand that we are socialized by our experiences in life; what I don't understand is how we allow our experiences to stop us from seeing outside the box.


My friend comes from a very privileged family BUT she liked to hang out with the commonfolks. And her love for the common people has bitten her in the behind.


So we had a round"car" discussion about why "Good" girls love Bad boys. And you know I had to hold it down for the "good girls" with this fascination. Here is the funny thing in our discussion "good" equaled: rich, privileged, well-off, powerful and nice. Bad Boy equaled: someone not educated, as rich, as privileged and ofcourse thug. My problem: don't you know that there are good girls in the hood? And how in the hell do I know.......I was one of them and so were some of my crew.

The analysis: People who stay in bad relationships are stupid especially if they come from a "good" family.


Now, needless to say, the discussion got heated because I was in a group of elitist brats who have always had things paid for them, who have never had their HOUSE phone disconnected because their parents only had enough money to cover the rent. Who don't know anyone personally who've had their house phone turned off because of this.... and if they think they do now because they know me, they are dead wrong. My house phone gets turned off because i don't pay the bill. Sometimes I forget to pay and sometimes I just ain't in the mood to pay. (those who read the blog abt the twins know this is something i started to do after they died....stopped paying my bills on time or at all) I was among a group of people who never saw their parents fight or get into an argument in front of them, so they couldn't understand how some peeps equivocate love with violence. And then you have some who probably have lived this life and despised it so that now they have totally erased the experience from their minds and fake like they din always had it made.

So my friend was from the right side of the spectrum and she choose to mingle with the left side of the spectrum (hence why we were so cool)....maybe she loved the realness of it. maybe she was tired of hanging out with paper thin people...people of no substance....because struggle surely shows you what you are made of....and until you have struggled, you will never really know what you can endure.


Me, I grew up in a low-income family who climbed their way to a middle-income family. My Other with her boogie self, grew up in some of the meanest projects in Chgo, but you would never know this talking to her because she has erased it from her mind along with a whole bunch of other things. I had/have aunts and uncles who live in the projects. Yah know where you go in and the roaches greet you at the door, spell yo' name out and everything? Where you have to put that ride or die face on so a niggah will think twice before they stepped to you. I grew up knowing that there would be hungry days and hungry nights depending on which side the coin fell that month. We never flipped for rent. that was always to be paid, but sometimes we had to flip to see if we were going to buy groceries or pay the electric bill. So some days we sat in the dark and some days we sat in the light with empty bellies.


I grew up knowing that you could get to college but you may not be able to stay because when the bills racked up.....you gotta pay or you gotta leave. I remember how Hitler sat us down and said, "If you wanna go to college, you gotta figure out how you gonna get there and how you gonna stay, cuz I ain't giving you a red cent!" and I am not sure if he was saying this because he was a mean sorry excuse for a man in the first place or because he simply couldn't afford to help us because he couldn't really afford to help himself. I remember when my oldest bio brother went to college. He ate bolgna and crackers everyday for two months because that's all he could afford. How did he get money? He sold his soul, literally. At his school, they paid people to give blood. He gave blood every week... you have to wait like four ???? days after you give blood before you can give blood again. So what did i do? I saved up my lunch and busfare money and sent it to him. I received $30 per week for lunch and to buy tokens to catch the bus to school. I stopped eating lunch or went home with some of my friends during lunch and walked the 14 blocks to school. He eventually had to leave, but he did come back and do the dang thing. When I went to college, me and my roommate at ravioli or velveeta cheese shells everyday for a year. We both eventually had to leave (me and my roommate) but, we both came back and did the dang thing, too.



I grew up watching my father and mother fight. I watched my aunt's husbands stomp her out. I watched my friend's families fight. But I also saw peeps who didn't. But even if I hadn't, I knew in my hearrt that everyone didn't get down like this. I grew up watching people struggle, doing everything to keep their head above water and learning that temporary lay-offs do sometimes turn into permanent unemployment. But, I also knew that some people could get to the upper eastside. How do I know? My bio aunt, Other's sister lives next door to R. Kelly. She lived there before he. But, seeing that it ain't many that look like me in that neighborhood, I know that everyone can't get there because it ain't too many that look like me inheriting trust funds or have parents that are making 6 and 7 digits.

So what I am saying is that I know that our experiences shape our lives...but what we go through and experience in life ain't necessarily going to be everyone's norm. and that's the realness of it...when i hear peeps say that they don't understand how a person can do x, y, or z it's because they don't want to see x, y, or z. they don't want to step outside of their box, their comfort zone and venture into the next man's.



It's funny cuz I always tease people that my kids ain't going to grow up privileged because I didn't, so why should they? But I guess the real reason is that I don't want him to act like them. (and when i say them, i am speaking of the ones that have it so made that they can't empathize or sympathize with their people who are living from hand to mouth, who have a huge dependency on wanting/needing to be love, who equate violence with love.....yah know the ones who can't understand why their world can't exist for the masses.) I want him to know that you should never flip for your rent but there may be times yah gotta flip for other things cuz life is a coin toss.


I guess in the end, it is what it is