Chickened Out
So I am up cleaning and seasoning chicken and thinking to myself, "What if he don't like the way I fry chicken?" Cuz i don't like the way my MBC (mama by choice) frys chicken even though she throws down in the kitchen. Then I am making my bootleg homemade greens. And deciding if I want to do cornbread or rolls. But decide to decide that after I finish making my homemade baked mac n cheese. But for some reason, I am feeling doubtful....I don't want to make it from memory, I want to use my recipe....I can't find the recipe, probably because I haven't used it since I was nine....now my brain has turned to mush...Do I put in an egg or do i just thicken the flour base? what's a girl to do? Not sure, and the constant chant from the lil' one that their ready to eat ain't helping my nerves. So I did what anyone in my position beside my sis the INSANE one would've done. I called Crush and gave us both an out. I told them I needed to know what time they would be home so I could drop the stuff off. Never mind that they were supposed to be coming over to my freshly cleaned pad. Never mind that I had taken out my nice dishes and chilled the ginger beer and had flutes to pour them in. I was worrying so much that I was making myself have a private summer....or it could have been from my visualization of me pouncing on him when he came through my door. Nevertheless, I couldn't go through with it, so I didn't....yeah, i punked out after all the whining and giggling about him.
i just had so much staked on this event that i needed to reevaluate things. I didn't want things to go bad and for me to be like: he didn't like me because he thinks i am ugly. i didn't want to go back to those days or that way of dealing with rejection. i need to get to a place where i can be like: he didn't like me cuz i got to much booty or simply because we didn't click.
i would be lying if i didn't say that i am kinda bummed that i couldn't/didnt' go through with it. I guess i hadn't progressed as far as i thought i had...but it's okay, i am learning that baby steps
are okay too as long as the motion is forward. So back to the drawing board...
oh and he thought my food was off the chain....
ps if u are still interested about my friend that i met when i chilled in the 'A', you can go to www.glamazonlife.blogspot.com
posted by TRUTHZ @ 9:49 PM
8 Your 2 Cents:
thanks for the shout out girl and be careful in the kitchen i swear i have had men not be able to get me out of their mind behind my fried chicken and hair braiding!
that's secret African Magic...use with caution!
I think you're right about forgiving. After really thinking about what you said, I think that if I had forgiven him I could forget it. That's where the saying comes from. It's just so hard when I look at him and I think "Why?" I know I didn't do anything to deserve this. The one thing that really messes with my head is that if I wasn't good enough for him then, why am I good enough now? I try every day to be true to myself. It's just hard to figure out why I love someone like this. Oh shit! Sorry to blogging on your site! Anyway, I read the article on your friend and I hope everything turns out all right for her. I just found it odd that there was no one in her family to tell her side. Just his. I will pray for her. ***Jen***
don't you dare let a nigga make you think you're ugly...as others have told you recently, you have a smile that lights up a room :-) There's probably more to say, there always is, but you know me, I know you, and it will get said, eventually...
white whine, or some malibu rum if you're gangsta ;-) that's how to build the tolerance of a liteweight like yourself.
ut oh...once he digs your cooking you've found someone to pay your bills! hehehe
ok i amlost...what couldn't you go through with?
Hey, I'm back.
I'm catching up on your blog, so give me a minute or two!
MSA: if he had some hair, i would braid it...hehe...do you think if i smothered it over my body it would have the same effect? lol
jen: the lawyer has advised them not to say anything, which is so frustrating, but, i will keep you up to date as much as i can
Anon: lol to you, cuz i know you were trying to help but the comment" you have a smile that lights up a room" is almost like "she/he has a nice personality" ....it's a good thing for you that i know i am the shiznit now
Nikki: hmph, is that a permenant situation or temporary on the bills thing cuz if it's permanent i might get to baking a turkey
Kool: I couldn't go through with the anticipated date. lol...i was supposed to have my Crush over for dinner and I chickened out...but if i invite him again, i am making your soup.
CC... WELCOME BACK!!! take your time...i ain't going n e where
having a pretty smile is not the same as having a nice personality. people tell me my smile is my best feature, and i'm gorgeous, so i don't take it as an insult at all :-)
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