Be Careful What you Wish For

Okay, so I must apologize... See what happened was, I went out on Friday and Saturday night and had A drink, and being the light-weight that I am, couldn't function enough to write a coherent blog. But I will jump right to the pressing issues and post the IT IS WHAT IT IS part 2 and what happened to my date with Crush at a later date.

You just don't get it
It's not about all the missing details
The silent glares
The hurried phone calls
The extended abscences
None of that even matters.

What matters is that when I asked you
To bear your soul
And give me the raw truth
You looked me straight in the Eyes
And lied
That's the point.


It's funny how in the end it's the little things that really do determine how we will react to situations. So, I had a convo the other day with Luv that let me know something was looming.



Me: Hey, did you talk to that lady?
Luv: Naw, went around there, she wasn't there. I can call you today when I am on my way over there and let you hear me knocking on the door.
Me: Whatever, you still gonna give me that money for my child on Friday.
Luv: I am gonna try, but I probably can't give you all of it cuz my checks don't be looking like much.
Me: Are you going to the gym today cuz i want to talk to D.
Luv: I'm not even sure cuz I am going through some things right now.
Me: What with D?
Luv: Naw, at home (extended silence) but I don't want to go into it. But if I do go, I'll call you so you can talk to D.
Me: Aiight, bye.


Now, the old me would have asked what was wrong but the new me really didn't care to know. I had other things to be concerned about like why have I been sick for going on six weeks. (hell to the naw, I ain't pregnant...think it's pneumonia)


Later on that night Luv calls me so that MY CHILD can talk to his brother D. After they converse in Chinese and English, Luv gets back on the phone.


Luv: Boobe, you know I left home.
Me: (how in the hell should i know this? is what I am thinking) Oh, sorry to hear that, but it is January, yall always spliting up in January.
Luv: Naw, not this time. I was tired of faking and I told her so. I told her that remember when you asked me if I loved my son's mother and I told you that I loved my son? Well, I lied. I do love her, and I am in love with her and always have been and always will be. I made a big mistake by trying to work it out with you. I am not in love with you any more and I don't want to be with you, I want her.
Me: But, you told me that you told her that you did love me, so you lied.
Luv: Yeah, but I came clean now.
Me: Okay, well I am studying, I'll talk to you later.
Luv: I was wondering if I can get YOUR Child on Saturday so I can spend some time with him so he can meet his youngest sister.
Me: We have plans, I am taking the gurls to the mall and then I have my study group dinner that he must attend.
Luv: Well maybe i can get him next week.
Me: (hell to the naw, my child will not be at the mercy of your situation and your convenience.) Maybe, we'll see. I gotta go so I can try and get my computer to work so that I can do my homework.
Luv: Okay, I'll call you later. So now I can be with you.
Me: Bye.


So everybody thinks that because a girl really walking around with that swagger in her step like she done won the lottery that it means to come and try and steal her joy. It will not happen. I am not sure how i feel about the situation but I have been here before and I REFUSE TO LET MYSELF GET EXCITED ATLEAST UNTIL THE INK IS DRY AND THE COURT HAS SAID IT'S OFFICIAL. So now I want to change all of my numbers and move so that he can't find me. I don't know if I feel the same about him and I am not sure if it's because of Crush or if it's because of my growth. But I do know that I don't have time for this madness in the 06...this is my year to shine and do me and that's exactly what I am going to do...ME! and to think I used to dream about this day.