No Money No Child

So I spoke to Dirty the other day and well I must say I felt good all over... not because I talked to him, I could do without that...but because I can honestly say that he no longer has any hold on me.. no more power...no more anything.

So when he told me that he didn't like me...that he couldn't stand me...that he wouldn't say hate because it was such a strong word... that I always had something slick to say outta my mouth and that if I really knew him then I would know that he would pop me in it...HOLD UP...he would do what? yeah, right..

I simply laughed and said,"imagine that, you popping me in my mouth and living."

"see there you go...coming out the side of your mouth."

"sweetie, it's okay that you don't like me and even that you hate me...i don't care. i don't have any feelings for you... i don't hate you.. i don't dislike you. i'm indifferent. i made the mistake of making a child with you so i have to reap whatever it is that i have sown. so it doesn't bother me that you don't like me cuz u used to love me." yeah this last part was me, once again being slick outta my mouth. see, i don't do well with intimidation tactics...even if i was scared..which i wasn't.. Dirty was a punk that lived off dreams of somebody else's life... i had stole him once and would steal him again and well, i would have him put to sleep if he put his hands on me, end of discussion.

the problem with Dirty is he is so used to doing people Dirty and then having them forgive him only for him to go back and do it again. he ain't chumping me... yeah i forgave him and let all of his lying and stupidity go BUT that's the extent to it. he will not get my child to parade around like he's some showpiece when he had absolutely nothing to do with his upbringing besides putting the sperm in motion. HE will not take credit for all of my hardwork, sweat, blood and tears. HE will not and even if he paid me a red dime, he would not be able to take him out of my sight..or the sight of the sheriff or the court appointed person to hawk his every move.

"u supposed to have my back."

"dude, i did until i found out you were just flat out lying to everybody, including me." i could have said dude, like you had my back when you had me audited? like you have my back when i asked you for money so i could get my child school clothes when i wasn't working and you told me when you get to see him. Negro my child needs whether he sees you or not. He eats, sleeps and craps which means he requires, food, a bed and some tissue to wipe his butt...And dirty knows he ain't tossing nothing my way which leaves ME taking care of everything...someway..some how. I could see if we didn't plan the child but that's not the case. this ain't the case of which came first, the chicken or the egg. this is um a baby is coming and gonna need some things and well i am 50% responsible so let me try to do something so if she calls me a deadbeat i can say, 'uh-um...i bought him a McChicken or something.'


so today we met up with Dirty and the clan at CEC and he was like i want to apologize for the other day...shake my hand. i told him that's cool but i ain't shaking your hand. he was like well that mean you didn't accept my apology. i was like yeah but i ain't shaking your hand.. inside i was laughing.. see when you don't feed into stupidity...the one engaging in it will sooner or later see how stupid their actions were and well either act even more stupid to compensate for their stupidity or they will apologize.

and while it was good that he apologized, it wasn't necessary BECAUSE i had already received my greatest reward the moment i realized that slowly but surely i was shaking the DEVIL out of my life. i didn't have to engage in meaniless coversations with people whose sole purpose was to transfer their bitterness and unhappiness to me. i had finally learned the technique of sidestepping the BS while still accomplishing my goal.

and the apologies don't change that if you want to be the boss, you gots to pay the cost...not vice versa