Maybe one of the hardest things i will have to do....

So seeing that I am really serious about things never going to where they were with LUV, I have to make some changes in my life that i am not sure i am ready for.....



I have to let my son go places with him without me. This is so scary for me because my son is all i have and i am all that he has in a way. Yeah he has my adopted family here, and even though they have him as their beneficiary on some of their policies, he is not their blood and sometimes when the biological grandchildren come around, he gets slighted. i don't think they mean to, but you know how it is. if my son was on the floor hurt and their bio grandchild was lying on the floor hurt, they are going to grab their blood first. and i guess that's the way it is supposed to be.


then there is my bio "Other" and Hitler. Other loves my son to death as long as my sibling kids aren't there. then i have to come and get my child. and Hitler, he ain't too stable and probably won't be as long as he continues to hit that bottle every day.



then there are my girls who loves their brother to death...and might actually cause him some serious harm because of this. there has been countless occasions that i have caught them giving him something he is allergic to, that they know he is allergic to, simply because he said, "please, can i have it." when i ask why would they give him something that they know he can't have, they say, " cuz he looked so sad and sounded so cute...and it was just a little, not a lot."


so like i said, i am all he has that is really looking out for him and his future. now seeing that my child was born into a weird situation, being born with a step-mom is crazy. esp, seeing that she is crazy. she has beaten up all of Luv's kids except for the one she had with him. he has stood by and watched on most occasions saying that he didn't want to get involved because he didn't want to pick sides. so you see my dilemma? if this heafa touches a hair on my child the wrong way, i am going to jail. and i am going to be doing some serious time. which means that before i can let his father take him out on outings, i need to make sure all the paperwork of who i want to get my child if something happens to me is in order.




now, i have expressed to Luv that i don't want him taking MY CHILD around his wife. that's right, my child. i take care of him. i am at the hospital staying up with no sleep watching him....i go without when he needs something.... i am investing for his future and instilling the proper things in his life....so that makes him MY CHILD!!!! but, if i am not around, who's to say. and even if he doesn't, there is still the fact that LUV only aced the "thug" part of my "eduthug" dream guy. which is why when we planned to have MY CHILD that we agreed that I would have sole control over my child's future. now since his wife knows about MY CHILD, he wants to switch the script and i am not having it. BUT, i do know that it is important for him to have a relationship with MY SON just as it is important for us not to have one.




so as i said...this is probably going to be the hardest thing that i will have to do, but, i am going to do it. Just as soon as i get my bail money together...................