Getting Bit in the Behind

so i have a lot on my mind right now and i don't know where to start and unfortunately, no neat little poems are gonna help. you know when you tell people things that they need to hear they don't be trying to hear you until the worse happen and then they get frantic and want to know what to do. sadly, most of the times when it gets to the worse, there is nothing left to do but man up and take your punishment or deal with the consequences of your actions.



i remember when Hindsighted used to tell me, don't get involve with Luv because someone is going to wind up hurt and it ain't gonna be him....it's either going to be you or his wife or both of you. and when it was all said and done, she was right. but i knew this, i just thought i would be able to handle the hurt and pain that came with it because i had always handled hurt in pain in such a way that it didn't affect me. but when it was all said and done, i couldn't handle it, just like i can't handle that my son has to do without his father just so his wife is happy. but i will talk about that another time..this is not what's festering on my mind




what's festering on my mind is several conversations i have had of late with my some family members. i have a cousin who i used to love to no end. i would do anything for her and she knew that. she knew that she was my firstborn even if i didn't have her. i remember how she used to tell me that her child's father used to fist fight her and i told her it would only get worse esp if he did it in front of the kids; he had lil to no respect for her. i remember when it got worse. i will never ever forget it because it changed the dynamics of our relationship. she called me at three o'clock in the morning telling me that he had put a gun to her head. a real gun, not no toy gun. and he said he would kill her. (now let's get this straight, she didn't call me to have me listen and not act...she called me because she knew that i would act because she had seen me in action) i asked," where is that niggah now?" she told me that he went into hiding cuz he feared something would happen to him. i asked her what did she want me to do. she told me get him. i told her now you know i don't play when it comes to you. you know i am about to put him down. his mama is about to buy that black dress. she was like i know. i was on the first plane leaving out of the airport on my way to the chi with fire in my heart and lead in my hand. it was about to be on like it had never been. i ain't for the foolishness and i don't make idle threats. i make promises that i do intend to keep. and i had told her baby daddy that i would have no problem going to jail IF I Get CAUGHT, for killing him because he did something to my child. and now i was going to make good on my word. i already had my peeps waiting to swoop me up when i landed. so i land and am about to ride w/ the crew to put this fool down and decide to call my cousin to see if she knew his whereabouts, she was like naw but if i found him, could i not kill himself, could i instead shoot him in the legs so that he is paralyzed and noone else wants him. i was like hell to the naw. i aint about to do no time for nobody that you still gonna be bunned up with. she said she thought about it and she didn't want her kids to grow up without their father. and i am thinking, but it's okay for them to grow up without their mother and it's okay for me to sit in jail for popping someone that was trying to hurt you? yeah, so i had to take a chill from dealing with her because she was in my opinion acting like a chicken head. and i told her so. she wasn't using her head...and sadly to say his attacks on her didn't stop. and if he ever does kill her, i don't know how i would feel. i don't think i would blame him because sooner or later we have to be held accountable for our actions regardless of why we did x,y.z. this doesn't mean that i won't be sad or anything like that, i just probably wouldn't be moved to action. this doesn't mean that i think i am better than her or am judging her, it just means i do not agree with what is going on and i have a right to say so when i am placed in the mix and it then becomes my choice if i want to associate with the madness.


(this part has been deleted)

i learned at a very early age that you reap what you sow and that every action has an equal and opposite reaction and you will have consequences for the things you do....and my aunt is one of the ones who made me understand that, so what happened????



i will edit later when my head stops hurting...


naw, my head ain't stopped hurting...but due to other situations. i have edited my blog...to which i say, everything done in the dark will come to light...violence breeds violence.