Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who am I, after all?

This is what i am wondering as i am dodging my reflection in the mirror. I am sorta standing off to the side so that my image isn't cast at all. What am I afraid of? I mean, there is noone here but me. Maybe that's the problem. No man to tell me how tight my body looks... No woman to tell me I look good and how they would love to have my legs or my arching back...or.....Yeah, no one to give me a confidence boost.

I've been running from my reflection in the mirror since I was five. There was a brief stunt when I was 21 that I made myself stare at my reflection and tell myself that I was beautiful no matter what anyone on the outside thought...but deep down inside i thought i was ugly...have thought so for a very long time... and it's time to put an end to that nonsense once and for all.

i guess that's why the first thing i decided to grab out of my pile of yesterdays was my shades. it was through these that my distorted view of myself was personified. It was through these that my visions of myself became convoluted...that i took on others perception of what beauty was and some how it didn't include me. i remember how my "mother" never told me i was pretty, not until her sister told her and me that i should never wear the color black cuz it didn't do anything for me but make me look less than nice...that's when my "mother" was like she looks good in anything because she is pretty.

by then it was too late...i was already ashamed of how i looked to a certain extent.. i've always had this analytical mind so i used to reason: if my aunt (not the one who made the comment) whom i look exactly like is considered fine and i am considered ugly and the only thing different is our complexion...then i am not ugly, it's my color that they think is ugly. but this still brought me lil' comfort

my father told me i was beautiful and i was his lil princess BUT he was a liar, he was cheating on my mother so what he said held lil to no merit

my brothers called me ugly...

and my classmates. I remember the song they made up for me and used to sing everyday when i walked passed:

Spooky, Spooky Spooky Fruit

Where are you?

We need the light to find you

Even though at the time i had already mastered masking my feelings, that song hurt...but a gurl gets even instead of feeling pity for herself. so i decided to thank the ring leader for his song by giving him a basket of soaps, wash cloths and other hygiene products...seeing that he enjoyed bringing attention to peeps flaw, i thought it was time to for someone to let his funky behind know that he stank; but unlike my color, his could be fixed with soap, warm water and some deodorant. Can you believe he reported me to the principle? LMBO at the memory.

So when I get someone who's interested in me, I am wondering what's the punchline...what are they trying to get out of me...is it a bet or something instead of saying,"hmmph, they trying to get w/ this fine young thing"

so i guess it's obvious that these glasses have got to go... I need to smash them so no one else will fall victim to the false perceptions they perpetuate...it's no place for them in my new suit of armor.

becuz for yous who have seen me, you know ain't nothing ugly about me. not even my color which so happens to be the flava of the year so a sista be getting a lot of play. but even if Chocolate wasn't in, I would be okay becuase I know who I am: a beautiful person thru and thru