if you want to be somebody....

emptiness
confusion
misconception
or is it perception
tiredness
tiredness....
exactly
crystalstair
never
living within means
physically
psychologically
literally
now is the time

so i talked to Wisdom...my sister of my soul...the one that gives me the raw logic as it unfolds...and her words spoke life into my nearly empty soul. what did she say that had such a profound impact upon my life?

"you need to forget about everyone else and focus on you...your problem is that you are too nice, you like to help people, BABYGIRL, you can't help anyone right now and that's okay.......accept things for what they are, don't beat yourself up about it..."

this was in response to my statements about my slip...and then my double-dip back...and also about my statement that sometimes the class issues is so great, you can't achieve your dreams because you get lost in the sauce, esp. if your pockets don't run deep...

Wisdom told me to stick it out and get focused...to get focused on me and make everyone secondary to the point that whatever's going on in their life, it won't hinder me from getting done what i need to get done...emotionally, physically or mentally.. that was good stuff i needed some tough love...someone to tell me to get up off my tail and do what i needed to do and cry later..

i am reinventing myself...cuz things grow and people change....so it's time for me to change...

i need to cut some more peeps outta my life, if only for right now so that i can make it to that next plateau... and it's gonna be hard becuz i really do genuinely care about people esp. the peeps that i let into my circle... so i guess Drama and Queen along with LUV and Dirty will have to go...this is going to be very hard for me... to cut-off my kids and the loves of my life... but it has to be done...their negativity and drama and confusion are destroying my peace of mind...

i have been dreaming of LUV and i don't think his wife would appreciate my dreams...
i have been dreaming of Dirty....but like i told him, he is not the person for me...my head knows this, why doesn't my heart?
my kids are stressing me because they are going to wind up working at some minimum-wage job with minimum education just because they refuse to believe they deserve better and that they can achieve better..

i found another confidant...weird huh? cuz i don't trust new people... i am so guarded with my thoughts and feelings because people are so shaddy nowadays... but Mirrors is cool and they are going through things too...cuz you know whether we show it, say it, or act it out...we are all going through stuff. i don't think Mirrors will share my thoughts nor do i think SimplyNice will....cuz if they do i will cut them...
a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do