The apple don't fall too far from the tree

maybe she like her mama...maybe she like her father...
well it seems that i am a lil like everybody i wasn't trying to be like...and that's a big problem...maybe that's y i dont like myself half the time...maybe that's y i am starting to doubt myself...maybe that's y i am always running and falling for the wrong guys...


well, i have a lot going on right now...the doctor says im in the early stages of going blind....i haven't told anyone really because i don't want to be pitied...and then i am stubborn as all outdoors and i hold grudges...what does that have to do with anything...well...if u ain't been making an effort to talk to me and find out how i have been doing..don't do it now

reminds of the time when Rosemary gon spread the rumore that i was hemorraging and peeps started calling w/ their crazy good bye messages... and one in particular made me so pist off...i am a fire cracker by nature but i was lit... Throwdarock gonna call and say... I forgive u and I love u... i was like u forgive me...heafa puleeze...u ain't God...i don't need your forgiveness..u can take that to the bank!!!!

i am wondering if i am failing as a parent...as a person...as a friend...
i know that i have to b cautious when disciplining my kids becuz i come from a long line of child abusers...but today, i was thinking about all the beat downs i rec'd and it was like...that pain was long gone...the pain that remains is the bruises from all of the psychological BS i had to put up with ....all the name calling...all the yelling...all the bitterness and hatred that flow from words...i have to b mindful of what i speak becuz lately i have sounded as mean as my father when i talk to the kid... i don't mean to...it's just that i am so tired and so frustrated with my situation.

the thing is when people put it into their mind that you are a strong individual simply because you are able to stand strong in the face of adversity...the forget, that even the strongest of the strong get weak sometimes and need a helping hand, or a shoulder to lean on...or an ear for venting...or some tissue for wiping away all the snot after a much needed cry... Thanks Bamamama...u have been the greatest...and i promise when i get it...u got it as well...

funny, i have spent most of my life running away....now i have no where to run...no where to hide...so i might as well turn around and face my demons and be done with it...the good the bad...the ugly

i was trying to tell OLDskool that i regreted my decision to get involved with LUv and they were not having it...they got allself righteous and everything...didn't even want to hear me out...what i am saying is, that this is one choice i shouldn't have made...regardless of what resulted from it...we were dead wrong and we knew it...and we didn't care...now look at us...bitter enemies most of the times...y...cuz we know that it will never b the same between us...and we know that we can never go down that path again..but it's like the lust is still there...something cuz when we see each other its so much tension...either we flirt or we are really nasty to one another...

Luv...hmmph..i never want to be that gone again...never...not unless they that gone too and we married...and rich...so when i send him packing...half will be looking real nice..

i guess that is it for now...im really missing my friends...all of them...they complete me...that's on the real...