playing second to none

zero no highest
is what i often yelled
childhood games
if walls could tell
number one
was what i wanted to be
in everything
second to none
that was how it was
supposed to be
but something happened
and things changed
i fell in love
even though someone
had already taken his name

i really don't know how it happened...it sort of snook up on me, me wanting him while he was wanting me. i was at an all time low in my life... i had been raped...something about being violated that destroys your soul...then my sweet lil babies...they died even though i tried to save them...never been loose but at that time in my life i didn't care. i slept w/ anyone who wanted to share my body...fortunately for me, i met Luv and i slowed down sexually...not saying that i had turned into a ho' ...but before i was raped i had only slept w/ three guys and had been abstaining from sex for 2 years...after i was raped and b4 luv i had slept w/ 3 more guys...thankfully not all in the same week....LUV had papers on him so i wasn't trying to hear all the woo woo woo he was blowing my way...but i was intrigued none the less. actually, i was jealous of his girlfriends even though i knew he had a wife...and that one turkey day, i could take no more and i told him of my feelings and he let all the others go...except one...but it didn't matter becuz he was always w/ me... she may have had his last name but i held the key...to his heart that is ..
four years strong...we had our ups and downs...but i luved me some him...and i guess he loved me...we did a lot of things together that were oh so sweet...but mostly we laughed at each other..which was probably the key of y we lasted so long...then she left and set him free...but when she found out he wasn't going to come a chasing...and found out about me...she came back to prove a point to me ...that history trumps luv in our society...they had history together and all we had was luv...
before then...he had never disrespected me...i was his boo, his heart, his real wifey....but now...hmmph i guess he had to show here...so he tried to make me feel lower than low...all the while calling on the side asking if he could hit that...
do u know how it feels to be so in love that u lose yourself? well i was gone... i didn't know who i was n e more so i fled...i went into hiding to heal myself ...to make a stronger me...
but then i saw him and old feelings i guess die hard....i luv that man....or used too...i'm not sure who he is today...so i just try my best to stay away...i have to stay focused...i have to
if not for me then for our keepsake