When over ain't really over

it's over, that's final
that's what i keep telling myself
knowing deep down in my heart
that it wasn't and never would be
how can you part with your heart
it's not like cutting off your arm
or losing a limb as a casuality to war
how do you part with your heart
how do you make it cease to beat
for the one who made you aware
that it beat in the first place
you can't, at least for now
while you still have breath in your lungs
and blood pumping through your veins
you can't, so until then
it will never be over

so i had a major setback...i saw Luv...a lot of him...more than i should have...what is it with us...is it lust? or is it really love? i'm not sure...but it seems like every six or seven months we find ourselves back in each others arms...knowing good and well that we wrong...dead wrong...but this time was different...the sparks and the hotness was still there...but it was different...maybe it was the glare off the new jewelry...maybe it was my conscious saying Honey, we can't go back here again...but Luv said one last time...lol...something i used to get him w/....but this has to be one last time because our time here is getting short...i'm not sure if you been paying attention to the signs...but yeah, it's about to be a done deal pretty soon and i want to be on the winning side...

so now i have to nip Luv in the bud before it blossoms to my destruction...weaknesses...we all have them...we just don't all have peeps who like to exploit them... i know where my heart is...but my heart may stay there forever...but my mind and my spirti and my soul must move on...even if it has to physically move...i have to do what i have to do...because i have faith that someone special who can apprectiate me for me will be sent my way...

my anger...i have to work on that...i have to relax relate and release...it's funny becuz Nearsighted and I had a conversation and they can't see why over-helping is such a bad thing...and it's funny that i can see it for her but can't see it for myself... i think i have overhelped the Boys in my life which is why they never can appear to be Men in my eyes...so from now on, i have to let them fall where they may if we don't have papers on each other...

i am searching for peace....hopefully one day soon, i will find it.