REFLECTIONS

so as i am standing here looking at the rest of the stuff on the floor, i am wondering:


"Why bother? why bother with the rest of the crap?!"


yeah why should i bother...becuz when it's all said and done, it really doesn't matter what's in the pile for i know that i can never go back. i will never be able to turn back the hands of time and reverse any of the bad things that i have experienced...but even if i could, i don't know if i would want to. it's like Faith said:



" if i had to do it all again, i wouldn't take away the rainy days for it made me who i am today."



and that's real. if i didn't have to walk the 53 blks to and from work growing up, i would not appreciate my vehicle now. and on the flip side, if it is ever taken away from me, it won't matter becuz i already know that i can survive without it. (for those of you who know the chi...i used to walk from chgo ridge to 83 and Western)


and that's what i am. a survivor. i have always tried to see the whole picture which means seeing the good and the bad. therefore, i know that i have been blessed in so many ways. other people who went through similar things or even worse are not where i am today because they couldn't see the good in it all. and even though i feel like crying and at times i am crying, very few people who have encountered me in my 28 years know this....not even the closest of the close. why, becuz my reflection has never been that of a gurl who pitied or felt sorry for herself...and even at times despised herself...no it's been one of grace and power and respect.


it 's funny how people can see you better than you can see yourself sometimes. what's even funnier is how we reject what they are telling us and chalk it up to them judging us when all they are doing is loving us. but when we come full circle if we take the time to reflect, we see that they were right all the time and all we needed to do was believe.



but it's sad that i had to go through much of the drama in my life becuz of a man....not Luv but Hitler. but the past is that the past and so for the present i am going to do everything in my power to make sure my reflection is my reality.