just wondering why we stay

so i will have to post twice today becuz my other post never made it here...it's out there in cyberspace just a floating

the other day someone told me that no matter what, i should love my mother because i only gets one. and then they asked what was it that she did that made me not like her so. My answer was simply,"she never left."


after 28 years, she is still there. still there with the man that beat her to a pulp on many occasions, still there with the man that had countless affairs, one with one his sis-n-law's sister, someone she used to hang out with, still there with the man that used to physically, mentally, psychologically abuse her kids. the man that wanted to control every aspect of our lives and hers...the man that wouldn't allow her family to come visit when he wasn't present and they sho' as hell couldn't stay the night. sure she had her moments, like the time she unleashed her can of mace on his unprotected eyes, or the time she keyed his 1978 baby blue camaro, and the time that she tricked him into believing that she was going to follow his instructions and not let us go on the Bozo Show...he would still believing we didn't make it if it wasn't for his aunt showing him the tape of the show that we were on.


i asked her on many occasions why she stayed and she said for the kids which are really messed up in various ways because of her staying. so i asked her why even leave, just to come back? because she had no where to go and felt she would damage our lives if she tried to take care of us on her own. funny thing though was that was what she was doing when she lived with Hitler. she took care of us on her own. he did nothing but dictate what we could or could not do. she paid half the rent, bought all the food, bought all our school supplies and clothes, and she kept up with what we were doing and where we going... when i graduated from high school, he didn't even know what school i was going to or what i was interested in becoming...the only thing he was concerned about was that i understood that he wasn't going to give me one red cent for school. that i was on my own... i laughed cuz i knew that i had been on my own for a very long time.. so i ask my mother was is she still there now that we are all gone...it doesn't matter that you sleep on one level and he another...it doesn't matter that you all haven't had a conversation in over 10 years...it doesn't matter becuase, you are still there... here answer is to mess with his head. sadly, she doesn't realize yet that when you stay in an unhealthy relationship, it messes with everyone's head

then i think to my aunt who let a man stab her and bust her head with a car jack. placing her in the hospital for months. when she got out, she knocked all his teeth out with a crowebar, placing him into the hospital... when he got out, they got married. sad right? no, what is sad is that this wasn't her first relationship like that and will not be her last if she doesn't figure out why she stays in these relationships that she knows she needs to walk away.

then we come to me, i will tell you right off. ain't nobody gonna put their hands on me again and live...it's that simple and peeps i deal with understand that. however, i will let a man mentally put their hands on me...what's the difference? they can disrespect me by having a wife, still be trying to holla to chicks on the side, call me names, not the B word cuz that's just like hitting me, or just not give me the attention that i deserve. and even though i don't stay for 28 years, but 28 weeks, days, hours or even seconds is too long for me to have stayed.

so why do we stay when we know we should leave and never come back?