Finally over

so i am writing this the day before i will post it because i will not be able to write and post on Tuesday... i have some tests i need to study for so i am going to be ghost for a second...and with all of the excitement going on in my life, i am sure that what i want to talk about tomorrow will not be as pressing as some of the other stuff.

anyways, just when i was going to post a pic so yall can see the face behind the emotional rollercoaster, something happened and i am like nah... see even though i am in professional school, they let in a lot of immature dickheads and i would hate to have to hurt someone over my written words. but if yall want to see me, i can tell yah where u can go to get a glimpse of me. (naw, it won't be no, freaky site even though Luv did say he put our video out there this summer when we were beefing hard.)


so i am going to have sex for the very last time while i am single. hopefully i won't be single as long as it sounds like it will be. i get so attached when i have sex w/ someone and even though i try and act like i am cool about it, i am not. i am very old school. so it's funny because it is like a planned affair. u know, we know what positions we want to do and where we want to do it and all of that. it's sounds funny as i am typing this, like no you didn't just plan your last bootay call but you planned how and where you are going to do it. and yeah, we planned how many times we are going to do it too. we have a limited amount of time that we are working with.




so i know i said that there wasn't going to be a third time but i have an addiction. i am addicted to Luv and his sex. but in my heart i know it's time for me to move on for good. it's like that new heather h? song that says "in my mind i'll always be his lady. in my mind, i'll always be his girl. i think he's been through something and he's afraid to let go...." so he understands that we have to let this confusion go. it's weird because when he first went back to his wife he acted like i didn't even exist and that i didn't matter and that hurt. and i guess i acted in ways that made him hurt too. if we had stayed together, this week would have been our five year anniversary. that's a long time of being w/ someone else's man.




but i have always felt bad about our situation and i thought that Luv did too, but now i can see with the help of Dirty that my problem with something will not necessarily be a problem for the others who are involved...and when he told me this, things got much clearer for me....and the fact of the matter is that now that things are clearer, i understand that my problem with mine and Luv's situation is not Luv's. not saying that he can have it either way, just saying that he wants me but he doesn't want to be the one that leaves. either way...he doesn't want to be the one to leave his wife and he doesn't want to be the one to leave me. but it's all good because i don't care any more that if i leave that he won't be there any more. i gots to get back to being me. and the me i used to know wouldn't have gotten involved or if she some how got caught up, she would've walked away a long time ago and just took her losses.



it's funny how we have to bump our heads a gazillion times before we learn the lesson we are supposed to learn. this knot on my head ain't very attractive, so i am glad that my heart has finally lined up with my mind.


and to the people who think they gonna keep pressin' me...keep trying me and yall will really be going through a difficult time...



but i would like to know do you think people can change their ways for real?