IF you CRAZY and you know it clap your hands!

Bipolar is a form of mental illness. (okay now that we have gotten that out of the way, i can proceed)


well, i haven't been able to bootleg/pirate the internet for a minute which was probably to my benefit because my entire being was still messed up... have you been so mad that you just couldn't function regardless of where you were?

well, i was at work dealing with a family crisis that really didn't have to be a crisis if people would just 1. act their age 2. assume their positions 3. stop turning a blind eye to everything 4. stop lying to themselves and everyone around them... and massah there trying to pluck my nerves but really can't do so because i ain't paying him no rabbit mind. there was one point that i left my desk and went to the bathroom to complete my call to IL family and child welfare.

my sister got in a cab with her baby that mind you was a week old and came back without her baby and NOBODY finds that a bit alarming. and when questioned about it she simply states that 1. we won't see the baby again and 2. please don't talk about it because she doesn't want to discuss it. WHAT AND THE HAM SANDWICH!!!

so yeah i am a lil mad okay more than a lil mad because when i was told that she was going to give this precious baby away i asked her if i could have the baby and she said yeah.. she was like 'sure Truthz, you can have him...all his stuff is over there.' just like she was giving away a sack of potatoes or a loaf of bread and then she said naw i couldn't she was just gonna give him away but won't say who why where or nothing.

now i know it's hard out here for single mamas... ain't nobody gots to tell me cuz i done been there done that and still doing it. and so i just ain't into giving out sympathy to someone that i know was getting support from their mama and someone who had other options opened to them.


see i was willing and ready to take her lil baby because i am sure once she get her mind right that she gonna want her lil baby back and because even though we ain't cool like that, she's my sister and i have her back just on GP and i offered to take her 1 year old, too.

so on the day in question i received a text saying she now wanted to give the 1 year old away and was looking for somebody to give it to and i'm like what in the world...didn't i just tell this girl i would take them both and now she done separated them and won't tell where or what happened to the newborn and wants to give the other away, too. so i'm like if i call the Peoples on her she surely won't let me have the 1yr old but if I don't and she threw that baby into a ditch then my conscious will beat me until i die..

now, i am not saying she hurt the baby and i'm not saying she didn't but what i am saying is that depression coupled with postpartum can be a mother and it's no telling what kinda voices she hearing and what they are saying.

when i had my child i heard voices telling me to throw mind out the window (sure it was my own voice and it was after 45 days straight of him screaming at the top of his lungs like a grown man (he had colic)and i wasn't suffering from depression nor postpartum) and i would call one of his relatives who thought he was so precious and say 'look imma about to toss him you betta come get him.' and they would not because they thought i was gonna toss him but because they understood i had had enough and needed a break. AND ofcourse he would get over there house and sleep and not make a sound but that's another story.

so anyways i am at work trying to deal with something that i shouldn't have to deal with but have to because the people who should be dealing with it can't because they haven't even dealt with their own issues that have contributed to the situation at hand. (whoo, that was a lot but now i feel better)

so the Child and Welfare People said they would send someone to check on the 1year old and get info on the newborn but i needed to provide info that i didn't have and well my mother wouldn't provide becuz she was like she definitely won't give you the child if you do that and i think that she just needs some time alone because she is going through a lot..

yeah, you don't say.

so, i don't know if i am gonna get the one year old but i hope so because i would rather get her than some stranger .

then the very next day my cousin calls me and tells me that she has been robbed and that she called our rich aunt to ask for assistance and she laughed at her. and when she asked her if she could get her train card she told her that she was upstairs and the card was downstairs and she had already put her feet up (what in the world) so yeah, now i have to figure out how i can wire my cousin some money so she can get on the train so that she can get to her new job.

the Devil is always busy even when you are resting, believe that. but i refuse to give him my joy in 2009. so as i bring this to a close, i dust my shoulders off and say this:

mental illness is on the rise and the longer it goes untreated, the more severe it becomes. please people if you need help get it...there is no shame in that. we all have problems, some more than others and who's to say what's gonna make you snap. we have to stop turning blind eyes to things especially when children are involved.

forward movement...one luv