Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

So I have been gettin my hustle on, seriously. Steal from Peter to pay Paul, naw, even that wouldn't help. It's funny cuz I am so busy worrying about Tomorrow and how I'm gonna pay this bill and that bill and get this and that for MY CHILD or wondering why Yesterday i didn't do what I was supposed to do so that Today it wouldn't be so hard for me or on me. And it took the cable guy to drop some knowledge on me:

I was telling him how I was just tired, tired of everything and how I needed to catch a break cuz I was catching hell and then some and I was running outta creative ideas of how I was gonna make it and seeing that he was the only person I knew who out-hustled me, I was trying to see if he could hip me to a part-time hustle that could give me some much needed income. He laughed and told me that he was just thinking about what other hustles he could pick up. Well somewhere in the convo, we started talking about Gerald Levert and how I was still in shock that he was dead and just how i could chart my life on his songs and his concerts. So, CG was like that's why we have to make plans, so our life can be better and I was like, naw, not really, cuz life is not as concrete as a plan. I should know, I was the queen of making plans and would go ballistic if things didn't go accordingly. I was trying to explain this to CG and he wasn't getting it so I was like tonight, Gerald had plans, he was supposed to be performing in the Chi with his dad for Thanksgiving, but look what happened to his plans now that he dead. Plans are okay, so you can have a layout, a blueprint, a roadmap to where you would like to wind up, but in life you will find out that there are many paths, bumps, detours, and unexpected construction that you may have to endure before reaching your final destination. I said when you in the game of life, you learn that to understand life, you have to live it...and right now I wasn't really in the game..i was like the 12th man, i got in for a few seconds to give the stars a chance to take a pee break but just when i was getting some rhythm, i was back on the sidelines watching

So CG tells me that what I just said sounded like what Bill Cosby had said in this movie he was watching...he said that Bill Cosby had been saving all of his life to buy a house so that his wife and kids would have somewhere to live and to call their own, said getting a house was like his only goal...once he got the house he would be satisfied because they could live better. Well when he got the house, he found out his son was sick and was going to eventually die so he told his son, "son, there are three types of people in this world, there are yesterday people, your grandfather was a yesterday person, he was always talking about yesterday and trying to hold on to the past, which prevented him from realizing his future, and me, i used to be a tomorrow person, always saying what i am going to do or want to do in the future, and how things going to be in the future, but starting right now, i'm gonna be a today person, so what do you want to do today?" (well, it may have been off some cuz it was like 11:30 at night and i was half asleep, half sick, and half crying, and i'm half death and CG's jamaican accent is so thick that about time the words came through the phone to me, it sounded like i was listening to french while i taking a nap in a pool of running water)

and it was like someone had made him go to the dollar store and buy that movie and watch it just so that he could tell me about that part of the movie.... because i had been sitting in my house meditating, wondering why it seemed like i couldn't catch a break, or when it did appear i was on the way up, i find my face back down in the mud. and why am i always the one face down in the mud, cuz if i am the only one playing this game, how in the hell do i keep falling? and i guess it's because i haven't learned my lesson.

i need to stop looking at what everyone else has and comparing that to what i have or do not have because God has truly blessed me and he may stop blessing me if i do not take time to (1) recognized that i have been blessed and (2) to appreciate and enjoy the blessing.

see, stealing from Peter to pay Paul WOULD NOT HELP ME, especially seeing that i have $10.95 in my account. that's not enough to get me a half of tank of gas. that's not enough to get me a bus pass for the week...that's not enough for me to do a lot of things, BUT it is enough for me to make ten trips to Mickey D's and get MY CHILD some "dolla fries" to reward him for good behavior or just because i know that Mickey D's fries has a way of putting a smile on his face the way a brownie fudge sundae puts one on mine.

So today, I am going to work on being a today person, which means, i can't beat myself up about not being able to write consistently any more cuz my life right now isn't allowing it, however, maybe if i focus on the tasks i need to do today, tomorrow, i will be able to write like i used to..