I Can Do A Lot of Things But I Can't Do Everything

"Well, I don't really have an excuse, except that I am a little overwhelmed and sick with pneumonia, which I got from MY CHILD, but couldn't be hospitalized because I didn't have any place for MY CHILD to go, so I got to go home on meds, which I don't think are working, but...."

So this is what I told one of my professors as the deadline to a very important assignment was quickly approaching, a deadline that I was in no shape or form to meet. And in my mind, I really didn't have an excuse, well a valid one to offer up as to why this deadline was going to pass and I would not have anything of substance to turn in. I was just tired. My body was drained and even though for the past 2 weeks I had gotten up at the crack of dawn to work on this assignment, I still had nothing to show for my "early bird gets the worm" methods. The only thing i did accomplish was determining that my left side is really jacked up since my accident. I can't sit for long periods of time (like 10 mins) without moving or it will go to sleep...I can't continuously move that side or it will swell up...so i have to move, sit still, move, sit still, move...ain't life grand.

So, I am prepared for my professorto treat me like the MightyOne and others have been treating me and tell me that I have a problem, or that I am making BS excuses and that I need to get my stuff together, or that I need to stop being lazy, or my absolute fav "I am too blessed to be stressed, ain't I a Christian?" But to my surprise, my professor dropped some knowledge on me, she told me that I could do a lot of things and have accomplished a lot things, but, I can't do everything....that i need to realize this, because there is only one me.

And you know what dang it, she right, I ain't superwoman, that cape was snatched off or flew off my back a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago. My body can't do or take what it could 5 years ago, let along 10. I can only do so much and though I tell myself this over and over again, I still try and do it all. Why? Is it because I am a control freak? Naw, i think it's moreso I don't trust anyone to do it right, or to do it when it needs to be done, and if something going to fall through the cracks, I would prefer for it to fall through from my hands.


So, I knew deep down after sitting in the hospital for another week with MY CHILD who had a fever that kept rising without explanation that I was too pooped to do anything. I mean even before the hospital ordeal I was drained from doing school, doing a 12 hr externship and doing a 16 hr internship that I had to work to try and keep a roof over my head. So now upon his release, with me feeling sore and achy, lungs hurting when i breathe, sides hurting, throat hurting from the persistent dry cough, i knew i needed someone to help me out, at least until i got better so that (1) my child didn't recatch the virus and (2) so my child didn't get his feelings hurt because i wasn't in the mood to be bothered.

BUT: who was i going to get, seeing if I had someone in mind, i could have been hospitalized and received the only pampering i am probably going to get before the year's out. I mean people just don't care nowadays what they expose their kids to, but i do. I mean I went over a mutual acquaintance's house and the mama was rolling a blunt in front of her kids talking about "my kids know what i do, they know i get high" WTH? i knew my parents had sex, don't mean they did it in front of me. Or, the associate who lets her drunk boyfriend disrespect her in front of her child and whoever else is present. or my gurls who still don't understand why a "little ice cream" will do a lot of harm to their brother. I mean if I was going to have to worry about the safety of my child because of the type of environment he may be exposed to, I might as well watch him myself. The only person I thought who would be able to do it, my classmate, was under doctors care also because my child had decided to be extra generous and give him viral pneumonia, also.


so yeah, i knew i couldn't do everything i was supposed to do feeling the way that i did, but what was i supposed to do? send my child off so that i could rest up and hope that he didn't come back saying, "puff, puff, pass?"