Running from Commitment

well my girl gots to serve some time and even though she is alive and not dead and got five and not life, it still doesn't seem fair. i feel sick way down past the pit of my stomach.... it's like i've been knocked 100 steps back. my faith in mankind has taken another direct hit... the tears I cry are tears of bitterness, why is it that trash always manages to find a way to ruin something nice?

i ruined a good thing, but a good thing ruin me also. i was doing so well just being over here hating all men and searching for my mythological "eduthug" but no, he had to come along and beg me to be his friend .... in life and on myspace... he put me in the number one spot right around the time he told me that i was his girl... exclusively. well when things got hot and heavy or heavy and hot, he scattered faster than a cockroach runs from the light.... and being me, i have to tell the truth, i did get really single white female on him after he told people i was his girl... it was something about the finality of it all that drove me insane... like i had lost control over the situation... so we both tried to sabatoge a good thing... i started acting really mean because my heart was digging him and MY CHILD was loving him... i wanted to run and some days i did but my heart and mind kept sending me back... for what? to hear him say it wasn't working for him... he didn't want to be in a relationship... but he said that only after he gave me the classic "it's not you, it's me...you are oh so perfect" and the i need to be more so i can be the man you want me to be... so today he deletes me from myspace, not only did he dethrone me he took me totally off his page, outta his space. then when i call and inquire about wth is going on, he says, you are still on my page... and i am so close to tears and to tell him to eat chicken poop that i just say yeah aiight and hang up.... so he calls n is like imma send you a friend request so you can be added back to my page... and i wanted to say wth for... but that is just my hurt talking so i say okay and accept him... and guess what he puts me back on, way at the bottom... his explanation is that he wants musical people to be first cause that's what he does, rap... and that would be cool if that was all that was in front of me... yeah PIC, she is in front of me (lol)... so i am wondering if i hadn't called would he had put me back on .... and how can i call someone and ask them about their space... he has made it clear that we can't share any type of space any more so i need to accept that and just let it go....


if i wasn't so dang on religious i think i would be totally done with dudes... supaheros aren't that great without their supa powers.