is it really this hopeless
tears are rolling down my face and i'm not sure why. i mean in the pit of my stomach i knew, i knew that something wasn't quite right, but yet, i still couldn't put my finger on it. i couldn't figure out why my heart was telling me to run while my body was telling me to stay, even if it was just for the night. everything that came out, rolled off his tongue liked creamed unsalted butter.
i was so ready to take a chance but i was also very scared. broken hearts too many to count, always wearing my heart on my sleeve, always looking out for the next man, woman, or child, but the trouble was, nobody was looking at for me. taking and taking and taking and taking. nobody ever stopped to replace what they had taken, and some could never replace what they had stole. so i was trying to decide how i was going to play this one, how was it going to go down...was i going to just carry it as nothing and see what it got me, maybe a night out on the town, maybe a free meal, and a good laugh.
the funny thing with life is, you are never in control, you are in the driver seat and you have you foot on the gas and you have you hands on the steering wheel, but you aren't in control... my heart started racing and my face started losing years, my walk was a little lighter, i was feeling good all over, i was laughing and enjoying life again..i was living, but i was still afraid.
but i kept telling myself that if i wanted something different i had to be different, i had to take chances, because he might possibly be the one..he seemed so honest, and he was passing all of the tests, you know the answering of the phone regardless if it was 3am or 3pm..his stories that could be verified, rang to be true, but still there was something, something i couldn't quite grasps, something i don't know, maybe it was just me, doubting and not trusting anyone these days... saying "uh, hm" to everything being spit my way, all the while filing it away to test the validity of it at a later date.
but then when i was sure that the bottom was gonna fall out and it was about to be a wrap, he surprised me and did what he was supposed to which made me start second guessing myself and sorta made me let down my guard and allowed myself to breathe, and just when i was about to exhale....
BLAM...this fool disappears without a phonecall, a letter, a ride by, nothing... and i'm left here with all of these thoughts and questions and useless tears...
im a good person with a good heart, yet it doesn't seem to be a good person with a good heart out there for me
posted by TRUTHZ @ 9:23 PM
4 Your 2 Cents:
You don't need anyone else out there to make you feel better about you.
You say you aren't in control, but I beg to differ.
It's not about him or anyone else, its about you. I hope you're not really crying over there either, because the man that makes you cry isn't a man at all.
What is divinely ordained for you, baby, will NEVER leave you. If what you had left, then trust that it was never yours and it has no made the space available for that which you are meant to have.
Be good babe, and don't take offense to what I have said, I'm looking out for you and keeping it real, respectfully.
i agree with jenellybean. though i feel your pain i also understand what it means to let go and let God. my husband was the last person i expected to be with. hes not my type at all. but it just happened when i least expected it. he wanted to go to church dso i took him not knowing we would hook up. you sound just like my sister. she falls for the fools to. i hope you feel better and not for real crying either. it will pass.
hey gurl! hows everything going?
to JB and KB, no offense taken. I love you gurls.
and yeah it was some real tears i was crying. i don't know if it was because i was hurting cuz they left without a word after we had made a connection or if it was because my mind had told me to leave him alone and i didn't...but it could have been because I was missing them 10.5 inches...yeah i measured
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