Holding My Breath

So, a year and a half has passed since I last spoke about my friend who killed her boyfriend...her trial has started and we are waiting for the verdict... this is like the hardest thing I have ever had to do...harder than carrying and pushing out MY CHILD...harder than trying to come to terms with my rape... harder than trying to make myself swallow my shame and bend my knees and ask God to forgive me

Will she live or will she die... her life is in the hands of 12 strangers who could care less about how their decision is going to impact those around them... it's funny because the entire situation has made me sit back and reflect on life... really reflect because in a blink of an eye, we can alter our entire future... not in the sense like how I altered mine by having a baby with a married man, but our decisions can mean life/death and freedom/confinement.

Life is about choices, the choices we are given and the choices we make... sadly sometimes we are left with no choices and have to rely on instinct and fear; nevertheless, when it gets to that point it's because we haven't taken advantage of the choices we were given prior to the point we reached where there is only one choice to be made

This entire incident may have been avoided if we as a people were not so consumed with how others see us.... if we were not so consumed with "keeping up appearances" and playing "roles" so that those around us will not know how bad our life really is. Well last time I checked, the last perfect person to walk this earth was long gone, which means that EVERYONE is dealing with something... whether it is heartache, abuse, rejection, lack of money, drugs, alcohol, death, sickness, unemployment, low self-esteem... you name it, people are dealing with it...and maybe if we were not so consumed with trying to hide, disguise, or distinguish our flaws, we would be able to pull together to help one another...

I don't know... cuz as my HEART has recently told me... I can work with the FBI because I am so secretive and the reason is because I never wanted people to know how I really felt and how sad and alone I really was...but maybe if I had shared and let someone know this, some of the things I have had to go through as a grown A lady, I wouldn't have had to go through them or at least not alone


One LUv'
take care of yourself and each other